Spencer & Toby: I Never Wanted to Lose You
by SpobyForever
Summary: Spencer's grief over breaking up with Toby has become too much for even her to bear. With neverending support from her best friends, will Spencer ever be able to pick herself back up and end up with the only man she's ever loved?
1. No Reason to Wake

The pain in her chest was unlike anything she had ever felt before. Spencer had never been one to let her emotions flow freely, but bottling them up had become more and more difficult, and she had no idea how much longer her body could keep it up.

Only three days had passed since Spencer had last seen Toby, but to her it felt like an eternity. Every time she heard his name, it felt as if her heart was going to burst with sadness and remorse. Toby had become her everything, and she loved him so much, that when -A told her to keep him safe, she knew the only way to do that would be to leave him alone, even if all she wanted was for him to stay and protect her. Not only protect her, but love her just like she loved him. The last thing Spencer ever wanted to see was Toby get hurt, she just didn't know being without him would be so painful for her.

After being questioned again by the police, Spencer just spent her days at home, because the only reason she had to get up in the morning had been torn out of her life like a loose thread from an old sweater. She knew she wouldn't wake up and see his gorgreous face, and to her, that was a good enough excuse to stay home.

Throughout this whole mess, Spencer was happy that her mother stood by her, because there was no way she could have gone through a heartbreak without her mother on her side. Having her mother support her no matter the situation was still a little unfamiliar to her, but not in a bad way. In fact, she was glad for it. All she had ever wanted was to know her parents cared about her and believed her. All she wanted was to know they still loved their little girl.

When two entire days had come and gone, Spencer awoke the next morning with this pain in her heart. It felt as though someone had taken a dagger and gone straight through the most delicate part of her body. No matter how hard Spencer willed herself to get up and get ready for school, her bed was the only place she felt safe without Toby around to protect her. There was nowhere else she could go where she wouldn't feel scared and vulnerable, plus there was no where she wanted to be if Toby couldn't be with her. She just wanted him to show up under the covers with her and promise that he would never let anything come between them.

Her moment of self pity was interrupted, and thankfully so. "Spencer?" her mother asked knocking on her door, before opening it and stepping into the dark bedroom. "Spencer, honey, are you okay?" Rubbing her eyes, she nodded and said "I just don't feel very well. I have a headache and my stomach is a bit uneasy." Her mother rushed to her side genuinely concerned about her daughter. "You do have a slight fever. Are you okay to stay home by yourself today?" Spencer nodded as her mother kissed the top of her head, turned around and sauntered out of the room. Spencer wasn't lying, she really did feel awful, just not the kind of awful that required a nurse to be at her side. As soon as she heard her mother's car pulling out of the driveway, Spencer closed her eyes and pushed back the tears that had formed in her eyes.

A wave of loneliness hit her hard, causing Spencer to curl up into a ball of anguish and despair. She was determined to not let the depression take over her body. The undeniable pain she felt in her chest was certainly worrisome, and Spencer wondered how people could have gone on with their lives while feeling like this. Amidst her thinking about how heartache actually resembled an illness, her phone buzzed on the corner of her night table.

Terrified of what –A might have to say about her grievance over Toby, Spencer reluctantly reached for her phone, relieved when she saw that it was just from Aria. "Spence, where have you been these past 2 days? Are you okay? I'm coming over to drop off your homework before school today alright?" As much as it made her happy to know that her friends cared about her, Spencer wasn't really in the mood to see anyone. She wasn't even in the mood to see herself, but she knew better than to let a decison she would later regret take hold of her life. She was Spencer Hastings! The girl born to push herself further than she needed to go when times got tough.

She tried placing her phone back down gently on the night table,but her shaking hand made the simple task immensely challenging. Spencer stood up and slowly walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Her legs were weak, all of her muscles and ligaments were sore, and her eyes burned from all the tears she had shed. Without even making it to the bottom of the long staircase, there was a knock at the door.

Spencer opened it with hesitation, only to see Aria standing there with a pile of books in her hands. "Spence! Where have you been?" Aria asked stepping inside the house of Hastings and placing the books on the table in the living room.

Spencer didn't speak, but instead wrapped her tired arms around her slender body as the tears welled up in her eyes. Aria turned around, looking her best friend directly in the eye. She looked so internally destroyed, that Aria was overcome with sorrow. Stepping closer and placing her arm on Spencer's shoulder, Aria's eyes bore into her sould and asked warily, "Spencer…what's wrong?"


	2. What a Mess

Aria spoke with the same concerned tone her mother used, but her voice was gentler, sweeter, and more caring. That was what Spencer needed. The only question was if she was ready to tell her best friend her story. Was she evern ready to hear it herself?

No matter how hard she tried to keep her composure, Spencer couldn't stop the overflow of tears that came rushing down her cheeks. There was no use in trying to cover it up, because even Spencer couldn't think of any way that was possible. Her cries made her body shake to the point where she couldn't even stand up anymore. Dropping to her knees, Aria rushed to her best friend's side.

Out of all 4 of the girls, Aria had always felt closest to Spencer, and to see her collapsed in a heap on the floor was too much to bear. But Aria knew she had to keep it together and stay strong for her, no matter how badly she wanted to give into the pain she felt watching Spencer while she cried.

It was scary to see Spencer like this. In all the years they had been friends, Spencer was always the one to take charge and stand up for herself, even against Ali. The girls had rarely ever seen her shed a single tear, and here she was curled up in a ball on the floor, almost unable to breathe from her sobs.

Rubbing her back in slow circles, Aria tried desperately to calm Spencer down, but there was no use. Aria had to implement every single tactic she had, but Spencer was so naturally stubborn, that Aria couldn't think of anything that would help her. She tried telling Spencer to take deep, slow breaths, but she wasn't even able to breath regularily. She tried to get Spencer to think of happy things, but Aria knew that Toby was the only person who truly made her happy. She had to settle for just sitting with her, and hoping Spencer would come around.

Ten minutes had passed and her best friend was still crying, but the loud sobs had dulled to quiet sniffles. Aria took Spencer's hand in hers and carefully walked her over to the couch. "Spence…what's wrong?" Aria asked tilting Spencer's head up so they were looking into each other's eyes. Taking a deep breath Spencer opened her mouth and stuttered "Toby…I…I miss Toby…" her voice cracking as she spoke his name.

Just at the thought of him, Spencer broke into tears again. Aria pulled her into a tight hug, knowing how hard just crying in front of her best friend must be for Spencer. She was told to be strong her whole life, and here she was drowning in her own misery.

It was difficult to think about how many times Spencer had reason to cry, but was told not to because being upset was considered an "imperfection" in her family. It was even scarier to think about how crushed she must be if the mere mention of Toby's name broke her wall down in an instant.

"I love him, Aria. Not loved, love." She said wiping falling tears off her cheek. "Shh, Spence, I know. Don't worry, it'll be okay" Aria squeezed her tighter as she cried into her shoulder. All she wished for was something to do to make Spencer stop hurting. Holding her while she sobbed uncontrollably was the hardest thing Aria had ever had to do in her entire life.

Spencer wanted to tell Aria to go to school or else she would be late, but she was crying so hard that she couldn't formulate words. She just clutched Aria tighter and tighter, hoping that letting it all out to someone would make the pain go away. But no matter how hard Spencer cried, the pain would never go away. Not until she had Toby back. Not until he was holding her in his arms. Not until he would take her hand never let it go. Not until Toby would take her by his side and make her fears go away.

Aria didn't exactly understand what Spencer was feeling right now, but seeing her hurt was enough to know that she wasn't going to leave her alone. "Spence…" Aria started after Spencer's crying had dulled again. Spencer lifted her head and looked at her best friend with red, blotchy, sore eyes. "Do you want to talk about it? You really shouldn't internalize your feelings, especially if you're upset"

Spencer thought for a long time. She wanted to tell Aria, she really did, but she wasn't even sure where to start. Spencer knew better than to keep her feelings to herself this time, so she took a deep breath before calmly telling Aria her story.

From conjugating french verbs, to the motel, to the Founders Festival. From that cozy afternoon in her bedroom, to "their truck", and all those nights he walked her home. Eventually, she made it all the way down to -A, all the memories she treasured in her heart now out in the open.

Spencer didn't even realize she was crying until she was almost finished talking, crumbling into pieces when she said "I just want him to hold me in his arms and never let go. I love him so much; I can't be away from him!" Before she could stop herself, Spencer was bolting upstairs to her bedroom in hopes to get away from the mess she just created. The mess she called her life.


	3. Still Pretty Eyes

Collapsed in a heap on her bed, Spencer grabbed her pillow and held it tightly to her body. Loud, violent sobs escaped her lips and her body shook wildly. This time, Spencer didn't even try to stop. There was no chance she would be able to. She hoped that Aria would come upstairs and find her soon, because Spencer didn't want to be like this, her heart was just so delicate she couldn't help it. Everytime she would even think of Toby, it would shatter like a broken glass.

Aria knew she couldn't deal with Spencer by herself, so she called Emily and Hanna to help. Within minutes they both arrived. "Aria, what's wrong?" Emily asked frantically. Aria took a deep breath and quickly told Emily and Hanna what Spencer was feeling. By the time she was finished talking, they were standing outside Spencer's bedroom door, listening to her wail in the background.

The take charge part of Hanna was about to burst, so she pushed the door open to see Spencer lying down on her bed, facing the window. As soon as she heard the door open, she sat up and attempted to gain her composure when she saw Emily and Hanna standing in the doorway with Aria. She couldn't let them all see her crying, so she tried as hard as possible to prove that she was okay.

However Spencer's visible shaking and puffy eyes gave her away, but still, she tried to appear as though she was alright. Emily and Aria saw right through her attempt, and Hanna just stood in the doorway with a half shocked, half sympathetic look on her face. "Spencer…" Emily said, as she and Aria walked closer. Before they could even touch her, Spencer crumbled into a million pieces.

Even though Aria had already seen Spencer break down twice today, this time it hit her hardest. She didn't know if it was because Hanna and Emily were in the room and they also felt Spencer's pain or because Spencer had tried so hard not to cry in front of them, but was utterly unsuccessful. Maybe it was because this was too much, even for Spencer who could never do anything half way. Aria knew Spencer needed to be held. And it didn't matter who was holding her, but she needed to feel protected. As much as she wished Toby could be that person, Spencer would never want Toby to see her like this.

Throughout all she was feeling, Aria was shocked that Spencer was practically reading her mind. Aria sat down beside her best friend, and almost immediately, Spencer wrapped her fragile, shaking arms around her neck. Aria rocked Spencer in her arms and tried desperately to calm her down, but it was no use. Spencer was broken, and no one had any idea how long it would take to put her back together again or if it was even possible to put her back together again.

Emily and Hanna quickly joined Aria on Spencer's bed, all attempts of getting Spencer to stop crying failing miserably. At one point or another, Spencer's little bit of energy had run out and she fell asleep with her head on Aria's shoulder.

Sighs of relief escaped the three other girls lips. As much as they loved Spencer and wanted nothing more than for her to be happy, it was obvious she needed rest. They hoped that when she woke up, she would be in a better mood. Aria, Emily, and Hanna had been sitting with Spencer for close to an hour, so they decided it was time to get up and go do something other than sitting around.

Thankfully for the others, Spencer was completely wiped, which allowed Aria and Emily to go get Chinese food without Spencer even knowing that they left. But as much as they all needed air, they cared for Spencer too much to leave her alone in her large house, feeling so unstable and unlike herself. Hanna stayed behind just in case something happened, but she was parying nothing would until her best friends came back.

She had never seen Spencer like this, so weak and torn, and it scared her to the core. More than anything she just wanted Spencer to spring up from her bed and pretend like nothing happened, like she normally would. Hanna knew better than that. Hanna knew that Spencer's heart was in pieces and no matter how hard she tried to shrug it off, this time it just wasn't possible.

She stood at one of the windows in Spencer's bedroom, counting the seconds until Emily and Aria arrived, thankful that Spencer was asleep. Hanna thought that maybe she spoke too soon, because in an instant, Spencer shot up, tears pouring down her cheeks. Hanna turned around slightly to see Spencer sitting up through the corner of her eye and began speaking "Spence, don't worry, Aria and Em just went to go get food while you were asleep. You were pretty tired but…" "Hanna…" Spencer cut her off, her voice weak, tired and full of sadness. Spencer said her name as more of a question, as if she was asking Hanna to comfort her. She just nodded and sat down on the bed, hugging her tightly.

Spencer calmed down quickly in Hanna's grasp, but she was suddenly overcome with embarrassement. Hanna watched Spencer's cheeks grew red, and she couldn't believe that she was upset at herself over crying.

"Spencer. Look at me." Hanna said "You have no need to be at war with yourself. It's okay to cry! In fact, it is more than okay. You miss Toby and you don't want to be away from him. Your heart is broken, and that's alright. We still love you and everyone else does too. Don't think of it as a weakness, please. You're still perfect, it's just part of life."

Spencer smiled. She loved the way Hanna could be so sarcastic one minute, then be so genuine the next. "Thank you. Really. Thank you." she replied hugging Hanna again. "What happened?" Spencer wiped her eyes and told her "Just a nightmare, that's all." "Are you okay?" Hanna asked, and Spencer nodded, still wrapped in Hanna's arms.

Grabbing a sweater off the end of her bed, Spencer suggested they go down stairs and wait for Aria and Emily to come back. By this point, Hanna was willing to do anything that would keep her happy. After she turned the coffee maker on, there was a knock at the door.

Spencer walked over and thrust it open letting Aria and Emily in. But they weren't the only ones at the door. There in front of Spencer's sore, yet still stunningly beautiful eyes, stood Toby Cavanaugh.


	4. Just One Word

For what seemed like hours but turned out to only be minutes, Spencer was dumbfounded. She wanted to be with Toby. So badly it hurt. She wanted to feel his arms around her and his voice whisper her name in her ear.

For the first time in her life, Spencer was at a loss for words. Her voice was caught in her throat, or rather in her head. Anything she said she knew she would regret. Well almost anything she said.

There was one thing that she would whisper to herself to make her fears go away. This one word would bring her eternal solace and make her heart swell to an un-human like size. However, it was also the word that had changed everything she knew. Spencer liked what she knew, and she thought it was impossible to change any information she gathered, let alone all of it. This word made her feel like she was on top of the universe, but at the same time it could bring her to her knees. This word created a constant battle with herself, and sometimes the people around her would get hurt. In fact, most of the time they did.

Spencer already felt as weak as she possibly could have, but somewhere inside of her, courage bubbled. It came to a point where she couldn't contain herself any longer, letting the word slip off her tounge. "Toby" she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

They bore deeply into each other's eyes, as if they were searching for their "lost" love, even though they both knew it still existed.

"Spencer…I meant what I said. I don't care about what you can't tell me. All I care about is you. All I ever want to care about is you. I love you. I never stopped. I just want you to know that."

The room had never been so silent. Sure, Spencer lived in a massive house where she was usually alone, and sure there were 5 people standing in the room, but you couldn't even hear anyone take a breath.

Spencer could feel her whole body tremble, though not with fear. She was feeling too many emotions right now, but fear was definitely not one of them. Her eyes became glossy as she gazed into Toby's icy blue ones. The only eyes she had ever looked at and knew those were what she wanted her children's eyes to look like. "Toby…" Spencer managed to choke out before collapsing into him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into it as he held her tighter and tighter. Her inner demons were cursing her for breaking down _again_, ecxept in front of of Toby this time. It felt good, perhaps too good, to let all her emotions out to him yet it needed to be done.

Without even looking up at him, Spencer knew that he knew she was sorrier than she had ever been about anything before.

When she was finally able to stand on her own, Toby wiped her sodden eyes with his thumb and asked "Can we go talk?" Before thinking, Spencer nodded and followed him outside to his truck.

Suddenly, fear set back in and took over in such a way that her body (and her brain) went numb. What if he wanted to know her secrets? What if he knew about her kissing Wren? What if he wanted to know why she had been arrested? Or worse, what if he wanted to know why she had truly broken up with him? Toby could practically see her brain working at a thousand miles per hour, so he took her precious, dainty hands in his and asked her "Spencer, are you alright?" She shook her head ever so slightly, but it was enough for him to see.

Courage bubbled inside of her again, and this time, Spencer knew she had to use it or lose it.

"Toby, I never ever wanted to break up with you, and I do trust you. I trust you more than I even trust myself. Everyday I'm without you my heart just aches and all I want is for you to come and make it stop." Spencer took another deep breath before continuing "But I meant what I said about everyone I get close to getting hurt. You mean far too much to me. I realize now that there were no outside forces that were capable of destroying you like I thought they could. I was the force that did more damage than imaginable. Toby, I'm so, so sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you."

Spencer kept repeating those words to him because they were the only words she wanted him to hear as the abundance of tears came streaming down her cheeks. Burrying her hands in her face she kept muttering "I love you." Although she was sure Toby couldn't hear her.

Her body resembled that of an earthquake by the way it shook and as much as he hated to admit it, seeing Spencer this way was petrifying. The only person he had ever felt such strong feelings towards had broken into cookie crumbs right before his eyes.

This was not the Spencer he knew, but it was the Spencer he was aware lied beneath the surface. The one, who let so few people see her like this because she was raised to be perfect, not upset. It wasn't the Spencer he liked to see, but it was part of the Spencer he loved. It was part of _his_ Spencer.

Toby carefully reached his arms out towards his shaking love and pulled her into the tightest hug he had ever given, rocking her back and forth, kissing the top of her head, and whispering into her ear that everything would be okay. When all her tears had dissolved and Spencer sat in Toby's embrace not wanting to let go, he leaned down and said "I love you more than anything."

Spencer had thought that it would take a forklift to maneuver through her tonage of emotional debree, but with the strength of their love, Toby had managed to remove it all with nothing more than the touch of his lips to hers. Just one touch, and all she had ever loved and all she would ever need, was that one magical word.


	5. Gorgeous

Spencer could never understand how he could make her feel so "right".

She knew that to others, her life seemed ideal, but Spencer also knew in her heart, that she would trade it for anything. All she ever wanted was to live freely, without the barriers of "A" or her so-called "perfection".

Ever since she was a little girl, Spencer never understood why being perfect was such a big deal. Did her parents detect that she was an over achiever since birth, or was it something forced onto her? Why was she always worrying about what other people thought of her? I mean, Spencer was confident, out-going, intelligent, pretty, wealthy, and had a boyfriend with a stellar body. What more could anyone want?

Nothing came to mind, because she knew, in this moment, everything in her life was perfect. And if only for a second, Spencer was happy.

Happy just to be withing breathing space of Toby. Happy just to be able to reach out at feel the warmth of his sking under her cool touch. Happy just to be able to love him the way she knew he loved her.

Before they shared their first kiss, neither of them had undertsood what love was. When their lips collided, they both got their answer. Not only that, but Spencer and Toby knew it was the only feeling they ever wanted to hold in their hearts again.

Like any relationship, they had their ups and downs. The ups made them feel like the only people to exist in the world, but the downs were rough enough to make the pair feel as if they were rotting in hell.

"Toby" Spencer whispered turning to him, his name remaining the only mantra she cared for. "Promise me, that no matter what happens, you will never let me leave you like that ever again."

All Toby managed to do was quote his precious Spencer, "Sometimes you have to hurt someone, to help them", before their lips magnatized and proceeded to connect.

When they came to the realization that they needed air, she broke apart and looked deeply into the most beautiful blue crystals she had ever laid eyes on. That's where all her answers were. That's where all her fears dissapeared, and there were quite a few of those she kept to herself. And although Toby's eyes were gorgeous, and his smile was gorgeous, and his abdominal muscles were gorgeous, his heart was the most beautiful thing about him.

As long as Spencer kept that in mind, nothing else mattered.

To Toby, Spencer was an angel sent from above to rescue him. She had saved him from himself, and even better, gave Toby something to live for. The only thing he lived for.

When they were apart, he began to doubt that their love ever existed. Toby wondered if Spencer had only been a figment of his imagination, ultimately ruling out that theorey due to it's insanity.

He only let this presumption take over his head, because his heart knew better, and that is why he never stopped fighting. His heart knew all to well that he was hoplessly in love, and Spencer was worth it to Toby. She would always be worth it!

Through both of their thoughts, Spencer and Toby couldn't help but smile at each other. "Why don't we go back inside before it rains?" Toby asked her looking up at the sky which had grown increasingly dark and gloomy.

Snapping out of her trance, Spencer nodded, taking Toby's hand. He however, had other plans for how to get Spencer back in the house.

Toby was strong, but Spencer was shocked when he lifted her into his arms as if she weighed as much as feather. Giggling, she said "You do know my legs work right?" Toby looked down and smiled, replying "I'm aware, it's just fun to imagine what our wedding day will be like when it arrives."

Tears pricked her eyes, but this time, they were full of joy and were accompanied by a lustful grin.

Spencer was only sixteen. Sixteen year olds aren't supposed to be sure of what they want in life. In fact, it's expected of them to change their minds time, and time, and time again.

When did Spencer Hastings ever do what she was supposed to or only what was expected of her? She was the person who pushed herself until she couldn't for another second, always excelling and succeeding.

That was why, resting in Toby's arms, the one place she knew she would feel safe loking into those pretty eyes, gazing up at the face she could never lie to, and murmuring her favourite word, Spencer was in love.

The most perfect love she could ever imagine.

Maybe perfect wasn't the right word, she thought. "Perfect" reminded her too much of what her parents wanted her to be.

Gorgeous.

That was a better word. Spencer and Toby attained the most _gorgeous_ love, she could ever imagine.


	6. Twisted Labyrinth

After talking, laughing, eating and just enjoying each other's company, Aria, Emily, and Hanna decided it was time that they leave so Spencer and Toby could have the house to themselves. Spencer's mother had called to say that she wouldn't be home that night, leaving her daughter all alone. Again.

As the pair sat in front of the fireplace, coffee's in hand, the light rain falling outside started to pick up. Normally, the sound of rain against the roof would calm Spencer and help her sleep at night, but something about this was different.

She liked rain, but not so much thunderstorms. As the lightening began in the darkness of Rosewood, Spencer felt her heart rate increase as her palms gew sweaty.

Now, Spencer had done quite a few things that day she swore she would never do, like breaking down in front of the only people she cared about. The people who depended on her as their rock, and she felt as if she let them down. Then, Toby waltzed back into her life, and all of her negative feelings slipped away. Spencer took a chance and opened up her heart to him again.

Another thing she said she would never do: Learn to fix a broken heart.

However, under absolutely no circumstances, would Spencer allow herself to get all worked up over weather patterns.

In her mind, fears were riduclous, especially childish ones such as being scared by thunder and lightning. But there was that one part of her mind that thought maybe fearing something wasn't all bad. Sure it was "degrading" to have a knot in her chest and tears in her eyes over heavy rain, but that also meant, when she couldn't take it anymore, Toby would be there to hold her.

It gave Spencer such comfort to know she could just reach out and be in his soft, warm embrace.

Without being able to stop herself, Spencer's head dropped into Toby's lap all her exhaustion finally catching up with her. Wrapping her hair around his fingers, Spencer's eyelids drooped, but every time the thunder cracked, Toby felt her tense up beneath him.

Whether Spencer wanted him there tonight or not, he was not going to leave her alone. Not even for a minute.

When he finally realized that she was almost asleep, Toby put out the fire and grabbed Spencer's hand leading her up the stairs to her bedroom.

Spencer didn't even like to be at home during the day with all the lights on, so when her house was pitch black on the inside and out, shadows started dancing on the walls.

Climbing under her covers, Toby lying mere centimeters from her face, fatigue blissfully consumed her. That's when all her troubles started.

* * *

><p><em>Spencer couldn't understand where she was. The room was dark, cold, and void of any human interaction. <em>

_As she began to walk around, turning corners, she always seemed to end up back at where she started. It was like a giant labyrinth that Spencer had no hopes of ever being able to escape._

_ Hesintantly continuing to walk, a light flickered in the distance, almost like a candle that was about to burn. Down the hallway, Spencer saw something hiding beneath the light, and it took her a moment to register that it was a body._

_ Not just anybody though, it was Emily's body, drenched in blood, morbid creatures surrounding her lifeless being._

_The long corridor opened up, and Spencer came across a deceased Hanna and Aria, also surrounded by dimming lights and what she percieved to be "death". _

_Turning back around, Spencer didn't find herself in the maze, but she was atop the bell tower in the town church. _

_Ian was holding a death grip on her over the banister looking deeply into her eyes, a wicked smile spreading across his face. _

_Spencer screamed for someone to come and save her, but even with Ian there, she was alone. Nobody would be there to save her. _

_Wishing for A to show up and flip the monster in front of her over the edge, Ian let go of her shirt and watched as she fell to her demise. _

* * *

><p>Spencer sat up abruptly, thunder booming through her bedroom. She closed her eyes, and all she saw was Ian's face staring back at her.<p>

With the blackness in her house, the rain outside, and the nightmare on top of the cake, Spencer couldn't contain herself anymore, and her tears came pourring over her eyelids. They raced down her cheeks like rivers and violent, miserable sobs echoed throughout the room.

Without thinking, Toby sat up and pulled Spencer into him, always feeling like there was too much space between them even with her head burried in his chest. He stroked her hair and whispered into her ear that she was alright, but still the cries did not stop.

He lifted Spencer into his arms and slowly carried her in circles around the room, much like a parent trying to calm down a distraught child. She burried her head into the crook of his neck, her tears cold against his skin. Spencer's grip around Toby's neck grew tighter and tighter with every step he took, heartache cursing through his veins.

When whimpering was the only sound that passed through her bedroom, Toby tilted Spencer's head up and looked at her with is piercing, ocean blue eyes and asked "Spencer, what happened? What's scaring you?"

He was genuinely concerned and it shook him to the core to know that there was a force out there strong enough to make his beloved feel this way.

"I saw him Toby…." Spencer stuttered "I saw Ian. And he killed me. He killed me Toby! He killed me!"

The wave of remorse took over her again and her body trembeled in his arms as the tears began to cascade down her cheeks.

"Sweetheart, please don't cry. I will never let anything or anyone hurt you. And if nothing else in your life ever seems to add up, know that I will keep my promise to protect you, because I love you."

Spencer knew that the moment those words escaped his lips that they were true, but as long as the storm continued outside, her tears poured like raindrops secluded in the darkness. The same darkness where a crash was heard from downstairs, followed by a blood curdling scream…


	7. Dreadful Room 316

"Toby!" Spencer spoke as her head shot up. "Did you hear that?" Toby searched her eyes for any possible sign of a right answer, but he couldn't for the life of him. "Hear what, Spencer?"

There it was again. Another scream, except this time it sounded louder, more agonizing and painful. "There it was again!" she shouted, hoping that this time Toby heard it too.

"It? What's it?" Spencer didn't even give him an answer before she dropped to her feet and ran down to the kitchen. Her legs were shaking, her breath was caught in her throat, but still Spencer continued to follow the sound she was hearing.

Toby was trailing inches behind her, and he knew by the way she was walking, that something was terribly wrong. Her chest was rising and falling like that of a marathon- runner, but Spencer's feet moved as if they were a pile of bricks.

The pair reached the bottom of the staircase and the room before them was silent. Not a creature in sight, or in sound for that matter.

Cautiously stepping towards her, Toby opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off again when Spencer whipped her head around and yelled "It's getting louder!" This time, she had gone too far. Standing on the edge of a cliff practically waiting to fall. He grabbed her wrists and refused to let her go until she answered his questions. "Spencer, please answer my questions. You're starting to scare me."

She struggled to get out of the tight hold Toby had on her, but it was no use. "The screaming! I hear ear splitting screams and I don't know where they're coming from! They almost sound like ringing in my ears, but they're too loud for my brain to be playing tricks on me!" Spencer shouted over the raging storm.

This wasn't right, and Toby knew it. Watching the most important person in his life struggle to fight a battle that couldn't be won, his heart just ached and cried for Spencer to stop and breathe.

By the time he collected his thoughts, it was too late for Toby to put his plan into action. There in his arms lay an unconcious teenage girl with tear stains on her pale, cold cheeks.

The next ten minutes passed in a blur, as Toby rushed Spencer to the hospital. The emergency room was empty, but frazzled Toby couldn't help but frantically shout at the nurse on duty. "Please, you have to help my girlfriend! She thought she heard screaming and just passed out! Please, you have to help her! Please!" he begged, and watched as the nurse and several other medical technicians whisked Spencer away from him.

Tears collected in Toby's eyes as he stood alone in the waiting room watching as Spencer faded into the distance, taking his heart with her.

Unable to stand there alone and wait for something to happen, Toby called Aria, Emily, and Hanna saying they desperately needed to meet him at the hospital. Each of the girls had reassured him that they would be there as soon as they could and that he need not worry; Spencer was a fighter.

Toby paced around the room, his icy, shaky hands trembling, his mind swirling, his heart weeping. Aria was the first one to burst through the doors, which was strange because he distinctly remembered Spencer telling him that Aria was chronically late. Her face had no remenence of colour and anyone a mile away could see the pain in her eyes. Hanna and Emily arrived mere seconds later, the same worried expressions written all over their faces.

"Toby, what happened?" Hanna asked, her "over-protective" nature seeping through. Toby inhaled deeply and began to revisit his gut-wrenching tale.

"I never went home. After you guys left, I could tell something was bothering Spencer. Her body was tense, her heart rate rapid, and she looked generally shaken. By the time she was almost asleep, we went upstairs and I put her to bed, but she only slept for an hour, waking up because of a nightmare. Then the storm started to scare her and her uncontrolable sobs bounced from wall to wall through the house. As I carried Spencer around her bedroom in an attempt to calm her down, she said she heard screaming coming from downstairs. There was no screaming! I chased her down to the kitchen where she said it was getting louder, but you could have heard a pin drop in that room. I blinked and she collapsed. I didn't know what to do…what happened to her?"

Aria immediately noticed how hard it was for Toby to relive that moment, and how painful it must have been for him to watch is love fight a war against her inner demons.

Emily felt guilty for not telling Toby about Spencer's fear of thunderstorms. That was one thing about her that Emily never really understood, after all, Spencer was the strongest girl she knew. How could something so "natural" beat her best friend up that much on the inside?

Hanna was just in shocked over the entire scene, but mostly she wanted to see Spencer. And Hanna had a way of getting what she wanted. However, Emily was too quick and instantaneously figured out what was about to take place, stopping the riot before it actually started.

Hours passed before the nurse returned to the overly- anxious group of friends. "Are you four here for Miss Hastings?" Hanna shot up and vocalized her opinions "Yes! We've only been waiting here since 2:00 in the morning to see her! I don't need to know what happened or why it took so long, I can call a lawyer for that, but I do need to know what room I'm about to break down the door of in order to see my best friend. NOW." She said defiantly, as Emily, Aria, and Toby gathered around her before racing off to room 316.

There was no need for them to enter the frighteningly white room to feel pure devestation.

Emily opened the door ever so slightly, and gasped, indicating she wasn't prepared for what her eyes fell upon. Aria sobbed behind her and Hanna stood frozen like a statue, her mouth gaping open.

Toby bolted to Spencer's side, taking her delicate hand in his and kissing it so gently, it was as if he was afraid he might break her.

Even surrounded by harsh lights, eye-burning white walls, bags under her eyes, and her skin a sickly pale, Spencer had never looked more perfectly stunning to Toby. What worried him was the part of her that was the opposite of beautiful. The part that was lifeless.


	8. Never Dream of Leaving You

The entire time Spencer was in the hospital, Toby never left her side. Literally. For hours upon hours he sat next to the seemingly uncomfotable bed and clutched her hand tightly, yet cautiously.

Toby knew what it felt like to loose someone, he had been there before, and promised himself he would never go back.

When his mother had passed away, it scarred Toby and he truly thought he would never have such a special bond with someone again, until he met Spencer.

At first, entering her world was a little bit scary. A lot scary, actually, but once he was in it, he knew it was where he was meant to be. And so, if Spencer's world was lying on an unpleasant bed inside an iritatingly white room, that's where Toby would be, because Spencer's world was _his_ world.

Although he would have given anything to be alone with Spencer so he would be the first thing she saw when she woke up, Toby was thankful Emily, Hanna, and Aria remained in the room. He knew it must be just as hard for them to see Spencer like this and the three of them were probably all crying on the inside, but they put on brave faces for each other. It warmed his heart to know that his love had friends as great as these.

Stroking the back of her hand with her thumb, Toby's heart nearly skipped a beat when he felt her flinch, and her eyes flutter open. Everyone in the room felt the great amount of tension release when Spencer awakened.

Her eyes danced around the room, darting from Aria to Emily, to Hanna, until they landed on what she was searching for. Those baby blue oceans that made her heart melt at the sight of them.

"Spencer" Toby whispered a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You'd think for someone that was stuck inside a hosiptal room, the last thing Spencer would want to do would be smile, but if Toy had learned anything by now, the woman he loved was full of surprises. So, Spencer smiled at him, and Toby could do nothing but gaze back at her lovingly, their affection clearly filling the room.

Hanna, Aria, and Emily caught on quickly and scurried out of the room, leaving them alone in their moment, promising to return later when the love-fest was over.

The late afternoon sun peered through the window, illuminating the room in a beautiful shade of gold, the light sparkling across Spencer's face. Neither one of them spoke, but they were most definitely communicating. Through their eyes, their bodies, and their hearts.

"I'm glad you're alright." Toby whispered breaking the scilence. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you" he said, kissing her forehead. "Well, I hope you don't plan on getting rid of me yet." Spencer joked, before her mother burst through the door, slgithly frazzled and disheveled.

"Spencer! You're awake!" Veronica said, shocked to see her daughter sitting up and holding a conversation with Toby. "I spoke to the doctor and he said you're going to be just fine, but they want you to stay overnight to make sure. Honey, I'm so glad you're alright." Spencer smiled at her mother, the "supportiveness" still unknown territory to her.

"Thanks mom. Did the doctor tell you what happened to me?" she asked desperate to know what went wrong, because she honestly couldn't remember a thing. "You had an arrhythmia which is a disturbance in the ryhthm of your heartbeat. They're fairly common and harmless, but they want to keep you overnight to make sure you don't have tachycardia. That's when…" "Your heat beats too fast, I know." Spencer stated cutting off her rambling mother.

After a few minutes of painful discussion, Veronica excused herself to who knows where. "Sorry about that" she said, once her mother was gone.

"Don't apologize for your family Spence. Sure, they may not be the best parents in the universe, but at least they're trying. Deep down, you know they love you. Maybe not as much as I love you, but they do." Toby spoke gentley, calming her in a way only he knew how. Spencer nodded and reached out to him, wanting nothing more than to be in his warm embrace. "I know, but I promise to be a better mother to my children. I don't want them to experience what I went through."

Now, it was Toby's turn to nod, as he listend intently to every word she said. "I want them to know I love them and appreciate them everyday. How do you feel about that?" Spencer asked, smiling up at him. "I feel…" Toby replied, leaning down so that his lips lingered by her ear "…like that's a perfect idea."

Spencer could have sworn that fire passed through her the moment their lips touched and her heart burst with love. As much as she wished their passionate kiss could go on forever, Toby had another question. "What would we call these perfect children?" he asked adoringly.

Spencer thought long and hard, sure that hours had passed by the time she came up with her idea. Actually, she had the names in her head all along; she just needed to muster up the courage to tell Toby.

"Well," she began "I always liked the name Joey for a boy, but I would give him a slightly-less popular middle name. Something like Joey Keegan." Bitting her lower lip and blushing madly, Spencer wondered if she could stop there and salvage what was left of her dignity. She didn't know why she felt so weird talking about what she would name her children, after all, the man she wanted to father them was sitting right beside her.

Stroking her hair, Toby then asked "What about a baby girl?" a large grin playing on his face. "I like the name Hallee for a girl, especially Hallee Jade. It just has this breathtaking ring to it. What do you think?" Spencer asked.

"Beautiful names, for beautiful children who would have a beautiful mother." He replied kissing her tenderly yet fervently, fireworks still bouncing between the two of them.

"Spence, you need your rest if you want to go home tomorrow." Toby reminded her standing up from where he was positioned on her bed.

"Toby?" Spencer asked. "Please don't leave me."

Laughing quietly, he stalked back over to her bed lying down beside her. The last thing Spencer heard before drifting off to sleep was a magical voice saying "I wouldn't dream of it."


	9. Little Details, Big Picture

For the first time in weeks, Spencer slept peacefully through the night. Maybe it was the fact that Toby was protecting her or maybe it was all the drugs the nurses and doctors had her on, but either way, she had blissfully succumed to her exhaustion.

Lifting her heavy eyelids, Spencer expected to feel a strong, muscular body lying next to hers, but as she reached out her palm, the cold surface of the sheets touched her fingertips. Dissapointment was not a new concept to Spencer, but this felt different. It hurt more.

Just as the tears of lonliness began to well in her eyes, there was a soft knock at the door. In walked Toby Cavanaugh, clad with balloons, flowers, a precious teddy bear, and a sufficient selection of Spencer's favorite foods.

Rendered speechelss, she just stared at him with her mouth gaping open as Toby placed the vase full of the pinkest roses known to man down on the table beside her.

"I thought you would like a little pick me up" he said cheerfully, placing a delicate kiss on Spencer's cheek. Blushing madly, she reached out and grabbed his hand pulling Toby as close to her as he would get. In order to maximize the space they had on the frail, uncomfortable bed, Toby lifted Spencer into his arms momentarily before crawling behind her and repositioning the girl he loved in his lap.

They fit together like pieces of a puzzle. The last two pieces, that is.

For hours, Spencer and Toby snuggled into each other, finally feeling complete, when a pair of shadows appeared under the door to ruin the beautiful moment.

In walked Hanna and Emily, genuine smiles gracing their faces, obviously relieved to see their best friend in the state she was currently in. "Sorry to be so 'direct'" Hanna said, her eyes glowing "But we promised Spencer a 'Girls Day' and we plan to deliver" Toby chuckled softly, both amused and glad that Spencer had so many people in her life that cared about her. "It must be nice" he thought to himself.

Spencer's grip on Toby's hand tightened and she looked to Emily begging, "Can't Toby please stay?"

Emily had known Spencer too well for too long, and her pouty face no longer had its effect. "As much I would love for him to experience the true joys of Hanna's constant chatter, you know the rules- no boys allowed" she said stiffling a giggle.

Toby leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Don't worry my princess. I'll come to your rescue whenever you need me, but your royal court is requesting your presence."

Spencer smiled and kissed his cheek after he promised to be back in a couple of hours. Watching him leave tugged on her heartstrings, but she knew this time, he wasn't leaving. Toby would always be with her.

Flabbergasted that she hadn't noticed earlier, Spencer asked Hanna and Emily where Aria was. They both shrugged, expressions growing worrisome. "She didn't come and visit you earlier?" Hanna questioned and Spencer shook her head, explaining that Toby had been the only one with her.

Not wanting to go into detail, Emily quickly changed the topic of discussion to something a little more lighthearted. "When are you getting out Spence?" "Two." She replied smiling, as she seemed to be doing a lot since Toby greeted her this morning. Oh how she would love to wake up to that everyday.

The three girls quickly lost track of time, as they usually did when they were in each others' company. When Hanna was informed that a sale at her favorite store was being held that afternoon, her and Emily up and left, promising to bring Spencer something back. She did not dare interject to the idea, because NO ONE even dared come between Hanna and a sale.

They hadn't been gone for very long when Aria showed up, looking the most relieved of them all. Spencer noticed her glossy eyes and trembling lips, and immediately inquired what the ordeal was.

Aria grinned and wiped her eyes. "I spent the past two hours sitting in my car trying to muster up the courage to come up here and see you. After what you looked like before, I wasn't sure if I would be able to see you in shambles again." "Gee thanks." Spencer replied sarcastically.

Laughing, Aria tried to repair the "damage" she had done. "I meant it with love. I'm glad you're okay. If you wrrent around….I'd actually have to drink more than one cup of coffee to stay alert!" Giggling Spencer retorted "I'm glad I'mokay too" and pulled her closest friend in for a hug, but on the way down, something caught Aria's gaze. Even when they were kids, Aria had an eye for the little details nobody seemed to notice.

As she gasped, Toby re-entered the room, although Spencer was focused on Aria, whose mind was "otherwise occupied". Reaching for the bear on the nightstand, she was sure all sanity had vanished. Aria held the bear in front of Spencer's face and for the first time, something shiny caught her eye.

Dangling from a sterling silver chain around the teddy bear's neck was the most beautiful ring Spencer had ever laid eyes on.

Now positioned beside her bed, Toby got down on his knee and spoke " Spencer. _My Spencer._ I know we're young. WAY young, but I don't want to spend another day on this Earth without you in my arms. I'll wait until you graduate. I'll wait until you're thirty. I will even wait until you're returning to high school reunions, but will you please, please do me the great honor of marrying me?"


End file.
